She Dreams Happily!

Whenever I am at my computer, Lila comes over and lies by my side. She is an unusual dog and I find that aging has made her that much more unusual. She adores my husband and follows him around everywhere, when he naps, she naps. That does not happen with me because I hardly ever nap during the day. But as soon as she sees me heading for the computer, she observes until I sit and then finds her spot and promptly falls asleep.

I watch Lila when she sleeps sometimes because her breathing is so silent, I am afraid she has stopped. I don’t enjoy having these attacks of paranoia, she seems healthy and her check ups reveal nothing unusual but her habits have changed, she has slowed down and I guess I am having a hard time accepting that she is 11 years old and at the end rather than at the beginning of her journey on earth. The same can be said about my husband and me and I frankly spend as little time thinking about that for the same reasons.

Our children are relatively young. We were older parents. I believe our age made us pretty decent “mature” parents. Our children seem to be normal, fully-functioning adults and I am eager to continue living so I can see how they mature as well. This covid year has left us all with a kind of gap in our living. I read something yesterday that rang true in a way, it was someone stating that the “imposed” covid restrictions allowed her to say NO without guilt to spending time with people she didn’t enjoy doing activities she didn’t like in places she didn’t want to visit. Her point being that now that life appears to be getting back to normal, she feels pressure to socialize again and now has no easy excuse.

My life in the last 14 months has not been bad. Because I homeschooled our children, we had the tremendous advantage of setting our own schedule. That has been a blessing because I could continue to do as I’ve always done. I am a lucky one and spend no time taking that for granted. For Lila, our presence has not been unusual. I read recently that people are giving advice about how to prepare our pets for when we go back to work in buildings and they are left alone for long periods of time. Lila will never know what that felt like and as I observe her slow, steady breathing I am filled with gratitude for all the blessing of my life that have allowed me to enjoy her.

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